I know that I have been posting a lot of ranting and personal drama recently, and while I could care less (as my blog title suggests), I know it's not always the most interesting thing to read. So, I thought I would change it up a bit and write about a specific topic. Today that topic just so happens to be... wait for it... SEX!
No, I am not necessarily going to be talking about my personal experiences. Here's what I do want to cover in this particular post: why it is or isn't a big deal, waiting, and assumptions. Let's get to it, shall we?
- Is it a big deal?
Personally, I do think it's a big deal, however, it's kind of sticky territory. I don't think sex is something that should be casual- at least not the first time around. Losing your virginity is something you only get to do once which, in and of itself, is kind of huge, so why wouldn't you want it to be special?
Honestly, do you want to look back and think about your first time being a one-night-stand or some asshole who claimed to love you just to get in your pants? No, right? So take your time and find someone that you genuinely love and trust. Seriously,
don't rush! You have all the time in the world to have sex. Even if it isn't your first time, take your time. What's the rush? That being said, maybe your first time isn't a big deal to you, or maybe taking things slow isn't your style and that's fine too. Everybody is different and that should be respected.
So, remember how I said "at least not the first time around?" Let me clarify. There is absolutely
nothing wrong with casual sex! Hell, casual sex can be fun, but be careful. There are all kinds of dirt bags out there who are just waiting to take advantage of you. By the way, this doesn't just apply to the girls (although that is the most common victim), boys are taken advantage of too! I totally understand wanting to just have fun, no strings attached. However, with any situation, there are always snags. Let me outline a few.
- Friends with Benefits
- Generally one or more parties develop actual feelings
- Friendships can be ruined
- Jealousy (why? see 1st bullet)
- One Night Stands
- Often times no protection is used
- No outside ties can lead to broken boundaries
Those are just a few, but some pretty major ones in my opinion. Anyway, I'm rambling, so here's my advice: if at all possible
be sober, bring your own protection, don't be afraid to say no, and always
make sure you understand what you're getting yourself into!
2. Should you wait?
All I can say is that it truly depends on you. Here are some signs that you might not be ready yet:
- You are embarrassed to buy condoms/ other forms of protection
- If you can't handle buying condoms, you probably aren't ready.
- Side note: It is in no way "the guy's job" to buy condoms, nor is it "the girl's job" to be on birth control! Take responsibility for your own health!
- Same sex couples should use protection too!
- You can't talk maturely about sex with your partner
- If you can't talk about sex with your partner you can't establish boundaries and those are sort of necessary.
- Honestly, if you can't handle talking about it, do you think jumping right in and doing it is a good idea?
- You don't have privacy and/or time
- Sex isn't something that should be rushed. There should be no time constraints.
- Being walked in on isn't an ideal situation. Plus, when you're worrying about your parents/roommates coming home you can't really relax and enjoy it.
- Privacy and time are essential- especially if it's your first time.
- You aren't willing to get tested
- Unfortunately, STDs are a reality and if you or your partner have been with other people, there's a chance for exposure.
- Plus, it wouldn't be fair to your partner if you refused to get tested and they ended up with something. That's not healthy for either of you.
- You can't/aren't willing to talk about the "what ifs"
- Pregnancy is a possibility even when taking all the proper precautions. Condoms can break, birth control can fail, the pull-out method isn't necessarily effective, etc. You and your partner need to discuss what would happen if that did happen.
- If you can't talk about how having/possibly transmitting an STD or STI will affect your relationship
- Obviously, same sex couples won't have the pregnancy issue, but STDs and STIs are still very real possibilities, so talk about how having/transmitting one may affect your relationship.
If you
can do all of those things it's possible you're ready to have sex. Although, like I said earlier, it depends on the person. Maybe you can do all of these things and you aren't ready for the emotional side of it. Maybe you can't do a single thing I listed and you are totally ready to have sex. It is ultimately your decision.
3.
Assumptions
I only have a little bit to say about this and that is
DO NOT MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS! Just because you have discussed doing something with your partner, doesn't mean that in the moment they can't change their mind. If you want to try something new or different, don't just assume that it's okay. Check with your partner, even if it's something you've done a thousand times before.
In the words of John Green, "Who even gives a fuck about sex? You know what's important? Who would you
die for? Who do you wake up at five-forty-five in the morning for, even though you don't know why they need you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?"
And with that, I think I'll end it. These are
my opinions. I am not trying to force my ideals upon you however, this is my blog and like it or not, this is me.
