So the other day I was talking to my best friend and she was telling me about the problems she and her boyfriend were having. I felt bad that her relationship was breaking, but I found myself feeling oddly giddy at the idea that she might be on the market soon.
I immediately shook the thought from my mind. What was I thinking? I loved them both and wanted them to work things out, but there was this little nagging at the back of my mind that kept whispering, "No you don't."
Eventually, I gave up on trying to push the thoughts away figuring working through it was the best option here. I was wrong. Thinking about it only made me realize just how jealous I was of her boyfriend. I know what you're thinking; you're jealous of her boyfriend? And the answer is yes. I am jealous of him because he gets to hold her, kiss her, hug her, cuddle her, touch her... All of the things I can't do because she's my best friend and she has no idea that I feel this way about her.
I want to tell her, but I can't because if she doesn't feel the same way, I will have forever fucked up the only friendship I have ever had that was worth a damn. I can't lose her like that. I can't lose her at all; it would hurt too much. So for the sake of our friendship and my own selfishness, I will keep this to myself.
I will feel the constant ache of my heart knowing that I have fallen madly in love with her and she will never know.
If this offended you in any way, suck it up! Like it or not this is me and I will not change who I am or what I feel so that you can feel "comfortable."
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