What The Hell is Going On?

I know it's something that happens to everybody at some point or another, but I'm going to talk about it anyway.

It sucks when you get taken advantage of. It sucks even more when your friend takes advantage of your kindness. It especially super sucks when your best friend does it.

I don't know, I guess it's not so much that the person is taking advantage of what I have offered to them through our friendship, it's the fact that they don't return the favor.

For example, my best friend is currently having some relationship problems and I'm having personal problems of my own, but I wanted to focus on her and let her know that no matter what happened, she'd always have someone to fall back on. Obviously, that wasn't the problem, I mean I made that decision. The problem was that when (days later) she asked me how I was and I told her I could really use a friend because I was having a hard time, she completely ignored me and made the conversation entirely about her.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that relationship problems can be incredibly stressful and hurtful, but is that a legitimate excuse to focus entirely on yourself (when talking to someone else)? I just can't say one way or another because, usually, she does try to help. It's normally a very generic piece of advice, but advice nonetheless. Am I even making sense?

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I can't stop myself from feeling hurt. As best friends we agreed to always be there for one another and I feel like I've been the only one contributing any sort of support.

This brings me to my next point: we have never and I mean never fought with one another in the five years we have been friends. I'm not stupid, I know one is coming and unfortunately I think it's coming pretty quickly here. The thing I'm worried about is that every little thing that has happened between us throughout the years (that could have been petty fights and weren't) will have built up and it'll make for one massive blowout of a fight. That in and of itself wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not sure how that would play out in the whole forgiveness department... Fuck.

Another problem I'm having about this whole situation is that she's so upset and in so much pain because her relationship is breaking apart and all she wants is for things to go back to normal, but I can't say I agree. I mean, of course, I want her to be happy, but I want to be the one making her happy. I've alluded to this a couple of times and every time she has considered it, gone with it, and then very abruptly ended it. Although, this is an entirely different and incredibly long blog post of it's own, so I shall end here. Until next time...

Sorry for ranting. Actually, I'm not, because like it or not, this is me.