You Aren't Allowed

I posted this on my other blog, but I figured it could go here too. So without further ado, here is You Aren't Allowed- an original poem.

You aren't allowed to walk away. 

You can't just leave me and give up. 

It isn't fair, I am doing my damn best to make things work 

And you turned your back on me and told me you were done with me.

You gave up on me over something so stupid and trivial...

 I'm scared of how you'll treat me when you finally know my biggest secrets.

 I don't want to live in fear of accidentally saying something that you won't approve of.

You said that you were just done with both of your kids right now,

But the only part we heard- the only part that matters-

Is that you're done with us.

 I don't doubt you love us, but you don't always show it,

Or at least have a funny way of showing it.

My brother walked away.

Dad didn't intervene.

You walked away.

And here I am.

Surrounded and yet alone, with only one way to escape.

I go to my room, lock the door, and pick up my blade.

I drag the blade along my skin,

Watching as my skin splits apart and blood bubbles to the surface.

The pain brings me back.

Reminds me that it'll all be okay.

I only have one more year until I can walk away

One year until I can be done

One year until I can walk away and you aren't allowed to say anything.

I love you, but this isn't working anymore and something needs to change.