Jealousy

Jealousy sucks. It's a fact.

I used to think that I was not jealous of anything nor would I ever be, but I was wrong. SO WRONG! As I grew up I realized that I am jealous of a lot. Although it didn't truly hit me until I was in my first relationship. 

My boyfriend at the time was one of the most popular guys in school and a major player on the school's football team, which in a small town like mine is an even bigger deal than normal. I was so proud to be with him, especially since I was a freshman and he was a junior. I thought that I was the bomb. Anyway, everyone wanted to be around him and I felt like I had to fight for his attention. So when he would pay more attention to his friends I got really jealous and clingy. Not attractive! I look back on it now and I remember trying to pull him away from his friends or making a big thing of PDA (which I'm so not a fan of). I became all of the things I thought were ridiculous when I saw other people doing them because I couldn't admit to myself, much less him, that I was jealous. He once asked me straight up if I was jealous and I got mad at him because I figured he was just assuming things about me. He was right, I was, but how do you knock your pride down enough to admit that, especially at the tender age of 15? I ended up breaking up with him after about a month over Facebook ( I'm a bitch for it, I know) because my friends were jealous of what I had with him and convinced me that he was flirting with other girls which led to me being ( any guesses?) jealous.

So the whole point of that long winded, poorly told story is that even if you don't think you're jealous of anything, you probably are. Don't be a jerk about it, just work on admitting it to yourself. After that work on improving yourself and dealing with your jealousy in a better manner than I did. 

In the long run, if you can't admit to it and work on it, it'll probably end up hurting some aspect of your life. And to risk damage like that over something so simple and easy to work through is ridiculous.

So that was poorly written, but I don't really care because like it or not, this is me.

Trust

I'm going to go on a bit of a rant, so be forewarned.

I don't just give away trust. It has to be earned. And it doesn't take much to break it. That being said, if I trust you enough to share personal information about myself DON'T SPREAD IT AROUND! I told you. Not you, your best friend, your best friend's cousin, your best friend's cousin's boyfriend, or anyone else that comes along. So who  do you think you are to be telling anyone else what I said to you in confidence? You don't know? Well let me enlighten you. You, dear sir, are an asshole!

So now that we've established that I don't take trusting people lightly, let's move on to the next topic: The Value of Trust. I, obviously, know and understand the value of trust and so I will not take it lightly if you decide to trust me with personal information. I won't be going around telling people, because I understand how much it hurts to be betrayed that way. So should that information get out, don't look at me. So dear sir, I will also say this DO NOT ACCUSE ME OR MY FRIENDS OF SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT YOUR SORRY ASS! You aren't worth that much time or effort. And if you think that I or anyone I associate with is capable of doing something that despicable, you've got another thing coming. So go ahead and shove that humble pie down your throat, because I am beyond done with your shit. 

And by the way, how could you even begin to assume that I was spreading anything if you weren't opening your fat mouth and talking to someone about it? May I remind you that your reputation wasn't the only one at stake. I know you couldn't see that because your head was shoved so far up your ass, but its true.

If you don't like what I had to say here, well that sucks because like it or not, this is me.

Book Review #2

Review #2
Divergent- Veronica Roth

Overall, the book was good. It is set in a dystopian world which I usually have mixed feelings over, but it took a Hunger Games approach towards it which I really appreciated. The diction choices seemed very childish at times, which got annoying. I'm sure this was intentional however, I felt that the effect was overused which made the book drag on a little.  All this being said, the idea behind it was intriguing and so I powered through only to find myself in desperate need of the second book in the series by the end of the novel.  I would give this book 3.5/ 5 stars and would recommend it to fans of the Hunger Games series and books of similar genres.

I'm warning you now, you'll need to be patient as well as persistent or you may find yourself chucking the book (or your very expensive e-reader) across the room.

Book in Progress: Insurgent- Veronica Roth (Divergent Series #2)

I am aware that I deviated from the series that I did the first book review on. I'll probably review books out of order or from different series so learn to live with it (for now, at least).

Friends with Problems

Yes, I did just use that title. What are you gonna do about it? Anyway, moving on. This is the long awaited (a whole week haha) post about my "relationship." So without further ado, here's my story. 


*All names in this post have been changed in order to protect the identities of others

It all started five years ago (cue cheesy intro) when the new kid Alfredo came to school. I, for God knows what reason, was attracted to this kid and did my best to catch his attention. I flirted which must have been entertaining because my flirting with him consisted of asking him the same stupid question over and over again. What was the question? Obviously something sophisticated and classy with a hint of underlying humor that I knew he'd pick up on seeing as he was so intelligent (.-.). "Do you smell bacon?" to which he'd reply "With or without wings?" Yep, I was quite the catch.

Moving away from that cringe-worthy moment in my life, eventually I worked up enough courage to start asking for hugs which became a routine, even when neither of us really wanted it. Then I figured that taking an interest in him and his future would surely help. It did for a while, but I think after a week straight of, "So you want to be a chef, huh?" I'd beat that horse to death and then started shooting it and when I'd run out of bullets I jumped up and down on it while beating it with my gun. So once again I moved on and tried something new, meanwhile Alfredo was making absolutely no move towards me. Should I have taken the hint and stopped then? Probably. Would I do that? No, not me and my infinite wisdom. So basically, this would go on for a while before we were split up for a year during which time he'd acquired a girlfriend. I would seldom talk to him until that summer where we made plans to meet up at the local pool. When I got there he started getting all touchy-feely and I wasn't exactly sure as what was happening. I asked him about his girlfriend and he told me that they had broken up because of cheating so I just dropped it all together figuring it was a sore subject. He took me to some picnic tables and started rubbing my shoulders and when I finally relaxed unto it he tipped my head back and kissed me. Needless to say I was a happy camper and could have gone the rest of the day being happy from  that one kiss but it happened the same way two more times. (Added bonus, his best friend who was hardcore crushing on me was watching the whole thing and got super jealous, but he was/is an asshole and that made everything 100x better.)  

After that day we never hung out again outside of school, which wasn't bad, but it would've been nice. Anyway, that was the year that I made one of my best friends, Jane. We bonded over our irrational fear of testing on Romeo & Juliet.

I couldn't resist.

After getting to know her quite well, I brought up Alfredo, I wanted to know if she knew him and if so what she thought of him. Turns out she knew him quite well, they had been friends for a few years and they had even dated but had broken up over the summer due to cheating. After a bit of questioning, I found out that when he had kissed me over summer he was lying to me because he and Jane had not broken up yet, and I was the girl he was cheating with. Needless to say I felt terrible and fessed up to her right away, which brought us closer. She appreciated my honesty and was not mad at all because things were honestly "going downhill fast." But apparently, I was fixated because, even though I knew he was a liar and a cheater, I still wanted to be with him! What is wrong with me? I guess I thought that I would be different somehow. So we flirted back and forth a bit (like adults) and eventually his primal instincts kicked in and it was all about...well you know. So we spoke about it, but nothing ever happened in terms of acting on it. Our relationship ever since then has been this weird sort of flirtationship. We would go through dry spells where we didn't speak at all, but as soon as we did again it was like nothing had changed, it seemed normal and easy.

He got into another relationship with a girl named Katie and he talked to me about her, even asked for advice which I happily gave him. I was done playing second string, it was time to move onto a new sport. So I did and I dated a great guy, Elliot, who was so sweet and so kind. We dated for about two months, all of which Alfredo made it abundantly clear that he was jealous, but he had a girlfriend, so what did I care? After two months I allowed my friends to convince me that I was making a mistake being with Elliot and so we broke up, which I still tremendously regret, and about a week later Alfredo texted me and asked to hang out. I wasn't ready to go out yet, so I declined, but he was persistent and so while I didn't go out with him, we texted almost non-stop. He told me he knew what I was going through or at least he would because he and Katie were breaking up. I tried to comfort him, but they broke up for reasons... not of the heart. He wanted me. He promised me that it would be a first for him as well and it would be special, but I couldn't just do something like that, especially not with someone like him. So began another dry spell.

We just recently broke this one about a week ago. I once again found out that he had been lying, he and Katie broke up over cheating, and that once again I was the one he was cheating with. Which makes me feel terrible. I mean I didn't know otherwise I would've stopped it, but I still feel like shit. Anyway, he brought up the whole FWB thing again, and quite honestly I considered it. I thought that I might go through with it and see where it led and then I had a revelation, which should have been obvious from the start. Here it is. I know I don't need a guy or anyone for that matter to make me feel good, or important, or loved. I have family and friends and myself for that. I want to be respected and loved if I am going to make that sort of commitment with someone, I don't want it to just be some casual thing. So I decided I was done. I am just going to chill out and have fun. I can come back to the dating scene whenever I so damn please. And hey, maybe this is as good an opportunity as any to step into the other side of the bisexual world and experiment with girls. Life's about learning and I've learned a lot, but I've still got a hell of a road ahead of me. So I have not spoken to Alfredo for over 2 weeks now and my absolute best friend in the world, Hailey, is helping me through every stage of getting over him and my apparent desire to want to be with someone for no other reason than to not be alone.

I know it sounds pathetic and that's because it is. There's no getting around it, but like it or not this is me, and I'm not changing for anyone.

Thoughts on Obesity

So by now you've probably heard that obesity is a major problem in America and if you haven't, well, where have you been? People these days are spending so much time sitting in front of a TV or a computer with sugary/salty/fatty drinks and snacks and not enough time getting up and getting active.

Despite the common argument, obesity is not a disease, it's a choice. It can be avoided by choosing healthy foods and exercising.

First I'll address food. Obviously, fruits and veggies are the #1 option of healthy eating, but that is only the beginning. Even just swapping your bag of chips for the baked option can help. But too many people are avoiding those options for complaints such as a different taste/texture or even price. Another good option would be to pick the low or no sugar options. They usually taste the same and are WAY healthier for you. I did just that and lost about 30 pounds! It's insane how quickly you will see a difference and once you see those pounds falling off you'll not only become more confident, but you'll begin to feel better physically. You will find you are able to do things you couldn't before and things that were once hard for you to do will become progressively easier.

Exercise. It sucks, we all know it, but that's no excuse. Get up, walk around, run, get on a treadmill, do a workout tape, etc. It doesn't matter!! Just get moving. Hell just Google commercial workouts and every time a commercial break hits get up and do a mini workout. You'll feel better about yourself and your body will thank you for it later. No pain, no gain, right?

So I am not going to sit here and say all of these things and pretend that I'm not also at fault, because I am. I am not necessarily obese but I am overweight. So I am going to eat healthy and exercise and report back here every so often with updates on my progress. Hopefully my progress and dedication can inspire you or someone you know to do the same.I may create a new fitness blog with tips, recipes, workout plans/ideas, and updates, but I haven't decided for sure. Leave a comment below and let me know if that's something you'd be interested in. Anyway if anything said here bothered, offended, or annoyed (or anything else) you, well that sucks, but like it or not this is me.

Book Review #1

So for those of you who read my "Catching Up" post, this will just be a bit of review as to what my reviews will consist of, how often they will come out, and how they'll work. Feel free to review or skip down to the first review. 

For those of you who are new to my blog... Welcome! This is a blog where I post whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it regardless of what people think about it because, like it or not, this is me. Alright, now that we've gotten that out of the way, back to the book reviews. Here's how they're going to work. 

1. I will try to read a variety of books throughout the month
2. I will pick one of those books to do an "official" review on. This review will be more like something you would read in a newspaper or something like that. They may even take on a discussion feel depending on how I feel about it.
3. The other books I've read will get reviewed to, but they'll be much shorter "baby reviews" Basically those will be whether or not I liked it accompanied by a star rating, whether or not I would recommend them, who I would recommend them too, and why. Very short, sweet, and to the point (my guess is no more than a paragraph)
4. The baby reviews will most likely be posted out throughout the month and the big review will be once a month at the end of the month.

I think that's just about all you need to know about these, so read on and enjoy. Or don't, I don't control you.

Review #1 

hush, hush- Becca Fitzpatrick

I really enjoyed this book, however I am into the "paranormal romance" genre, so take from that what you will. I give this book 3.5/ 5 stars. I do recommend this book for those of you who are also big fans of paranormal romance as well as teenagers who I believe would absolutely swoon over this book. Fitzpatrick  is a great writer and can bring any situation to life and make you believe in it. Overall, a good book and a nice change of pace from vampires and werewolves.

Alright guys, that was review #1. Just a tidbit of info for all of you, BABY REVIEWS WILL BE ENTITLED LIKE THIS VIDEO "BOOK REVIEW #" AND THE BIG REVIEWS WILL BE ENTITLED WITH THE BOOK'S TITLE AND AUTHOR. 

Keep an eye out for these and more. If you didn't like what I had to say here, then fuck off  that sucks for you because, like it or not this is me.

  

Catching Up

Well it has certainly been a while, hasn't it?

If you're looking for an update, sit back and buckle up because its gonna be a long ride. My life has been rather hectic and crazy and filled with far more drama than I care to admit. (A lot of which wasn't necessarily mine!!)

I you aren't looking for an update then I suggest you click away now...

Okay, now that we have gotten rid of all the negativity and it is just you and me, let's get down to business. 

Since we last spoke (or since I've posted and you've so graciously read) I have...

1. Broken my left wrist (totaling 4 injuries to that wrist)  
2. Almost gotten into four accidents (all of which would have been caused by asshole/idiot drivers who should not be legally allowed to possess a license!)
3. Attended only four days of school out of a possible 39 (my absences were/are medical related, so stop judging me)
4. Been in the car when my mom accidentally ran over a cat. ( :( ) 
5. Gone to the hospital for relatives at least six times in under two weeks (!)
6. Read Looking for Alaska, Paper Towns, and The Fault in our Stars all by John Green ( all amazing and I would highly recommend them to anybody! Plus keep an eye out as I will be posting book reviews for all three of those books as well as some of my other favorites. More details below.)
7. Written so many essays (2 of which I am particularly proud of and may post on here. More details below)
8. Eaten/ made loads of sushi (yum!)
9. Gone broke (damn sushi...and other items...)
10. Bought an insanely cute jacket from Me Jane (thanks Ross!)
11. Entered into and then exited right back out of yet another relationship (if you want to hear more about that check out my next post called "Friends with Problems." Coming soon!)
12. Had some very...candid conversations with my best friend (it is safe to say she officially knows too much so we have to stay best friends for the rest of eternity)
13. Come out on Instagram as bi (no, I did not post a picture of me making out with a girl)
14. Rediscovered my love for acting, blogging , and hot cheetos (seriously though, hot cheetos are the best snack food) 

I think that's it or at least that's all I remember/ want to share with you, at least for the moment. So now we shall delve into the " More details below" portion of the blog.

1. I love to read and I love to share about what I'm reading. So I have decided that I am going to try to review 1 book a month. This will give me time to read a couple and decide which one I want to give you the scoop on. I will post baby reviews of all of the books I have read, but the main one I decide to review will be more professional and more of a discussion type review. Make sense? I hope so. Anyway to get started I am going to post a bunch of baby reviews of the books on my bookshelf and then 3 full length review of the John Green books I mentioned above. I have not started these yet, so it'll be a while before they are up. So be watching out for those.
2. As I said I have written a lot of essays and there are some that I am particularly proud of. I am considering posting those onto this blog just to share, but I'm not sure just yet so I'd like to get your opinions. 

If anything said here was offensive, boring, weird, etc. to you that sucks, but like it or not this is me.