Pot Calling the Kettle Black...

So I've discovered that people are, generally, only interested in something or someone if they have something to gain. For example, that asshole you like probably doesn't care about what you're saying. They didn't magically change overnight just for you. That person is an asshole and always will be(shocker) They're only listening because they think there might be something worth making a rumor out of and spreading like wildfire. Something that can possibly boost their popularity or social standing either immediately or later down the line. (Personal gain as a motive? Never!) At least, that's how it's been in my experience.

As you know by now, I don't usually post about anything in general. I almost always have a specific situation that sparks my tangents and angry ranting. This post is no exception to that. Let's dive in, shall we?

So my friend, J, has been having a really hard time lately. She is coming off of her antidepressants, her mom is less than involved/caring, her former best friend just got married and is increasingly distant, her other friends are, respectively, engaged and pregnant, working, in serious relationships, or ignoring her. Being the kind and caring person that I am, I decided that I would do my best to help her through her time of need and keep her mind off of things by hanging out with her and keeping in constant contact. This often involved me putting off things I had previously planned with best friend, but it was okay because I was making a difference in her life that no one else had ever thought to make. I spent my entire summer listening to her problems, breakdowns, and occasional suicidal rant, which once again I was more than okay with.

In the long run, she couldn't come off of her medication and once she was back on at the original dosage her mood drastically improved and all was right with the world again. That was until I was in a time of need. Normally, I would just talk to my best friend about these things. After all, that's sort of the point of a best friend, you know? And I did, but she was also going through a lot and we couldn't really devote the kind of time and attention necessary to each other to make a difference. So I went to J instead.

Every time I even brought up a problem I was having the conversation was immediately turned around to focus on her and on the rare occasion that she did listen to me, I would either get a message almost immediately from our mutual friends asking about what I'd told her or the conversation would end. It seemed that everything was important until it wasn't about her. She even told me that I was too negative and that I had too many issues for any one person to handle. This from the girl that couldn't go two hours without crying about something (even on her antidepressants).

Oddly enough, and who knows why really, her criticisms led me to question whether or not my issues and insecurities were even valid, which led to more insecurities. A vicious cycle that only cause more problems and questions rather than solutions. Things that I had thought I was over came rushing back to the surface. So much so that once I started seeing a psychologist, things that I didn't even know were bothering me came out.

Anyway the point is, unless you're sure about someone and their intentions, don't let yourself be vulnerable in front of them because who knows what kind of crazy, fucked up shit they might pull.