It seems that in this cold, cruel world you can't truly rely on anyone. Your family is supposed to be there for you, support you throughout the highs and lows. They are supposed to understand and sympathize and love you unconditionally. Right?
Wrong. My eyes have been opened to the harsh reality that unless there is some sort of personal gain not everyone will stick around, family or not. It doesn't matter how good you've treated them or how generous you've been. So what brought about this realization? Well that's quite a long story, so get ready and hold on tight.
So over the last few months there has been some drama involving my cousins and uncle which is another long story. All you need to know is my cousin Roy* moved out and is now living with one of his friends. Anyway, moving forward with the story, he message me on Facebook last night. He asked me if he spoke to my Uncle recently, but seeing as he made not effort to contact me in the moths following his move, I felt no need to dignify his message with a response. He apparently didn't enjoy that and decided that cruelty would be more effective so his opening line was and I quote, "Hey fatass (yes, he couldn't even be bothered to space it out) what's up?" To which I much too kindly replied, "Excuse me? If that's how you're going to talk to me then you can fuck off, you piece of shit."
Now, I realize that he was just being a douche bag but, his words still hurt. First of all, he's family and family isn't supposed to criticize you. Secondly, I have struggled with my weight and therefore my self-esteem for a long time due to the medications I am taking, so to see someone who supposedly cared for me, mention it was hard. And thirdly, and possibly the hardest, was that the insult was read in my voice, not his. It seemed like I was insulting myself, rather than listening to someone else do it.
That aside, he was incredibly rude to me which was wrong. He then proceeded to call my brother and dad pussies because they had done the same thing I had and ignored his messages about my uncle. So why was he suddenly attacking me? I assume it's because he thought I wouldn't respond, because he saw me as weak, but that's not who I am. I stand up not only for myself, but for my family and so I sent him and incredibly long message that, when summed up, basically said fuck you and leave me alone because you're being a dick and I don't like you anymore. He responded with death threats as well as disowning us and telling me that he never really loved any of us.
I find this ironic because when his life was in shambles my family were the ones to pick up the pieces and help him. We offered them financial support even when we couldn't afford to do so, we fed and clothed them when they couldn't afford to, etc. We helped them so much and this is how we are re-payed? What kind of bullshit is that? How dare he even say that to me.
Anyway, I decided I couldn't be the only one seeing the messages and so I showed my dad and we spent about two hours going back and forth with him, exchanging... colorful messages and in the end he said something completely irrelevant that I refused to respond to. During those two hours however he called me a cunt, a bitch, a pussy, stupid, weak/underused (no, I'm not kidding, he actually said that.) minded, fat, etc.
I know I shouldn't let these things bother me as he was just saying them to get a rise out of me, but they did/do. They brought back all sorts of repressed memories that I worked incredibly hard to bury. I know that I'm going to have some sort of breakdown over it in the minutes/hours/days/months to come. I don't know really, but that's not the point of this post.
The point is that Roy* is supposed to be my family. A part of my support group and he turned his back on me and my family without batting an eye. Even went so far as to insult, disown, and admit that he never really loved us. So maybe, this is a sign that I would be better off not trusting anyone, not relying on anyone. That I need to be my own rock, my own support group, my own family...
I know not everyone will do this or act like this. I know that my immediate family would never do anything that despicable and I have my best friend who truly does love me despite my flaws and shortcomings. However, I think this was the wake up call I needed to remind me that I should never put my whole self or heart on the line because you never know who might take advantage and abuse it. The most unlikely people are the ones you should be the most wary of.
I hope that when this whole incident turns around and bites him in the ass he will finally learn the true meaning of the phrase,
blood runs thicker than water.
*Name changed. While I chose to put my drama on the internet, I also chose not to use real names. Honestly, can you blame me? Even if you can, like it or not, this is me.
