So. Done.

I've been struggling lately to keep my emotions in check. I can't explain why I'm so out of whack, because I honestly don't know. What I do know, however, is that people fucking with them isn't helping. I constantly fear that I am just going to break down and that is a lot of added stress. I have had this constant stinging in my eyes, and I want to just cry and be done with it, but no. Life isn't that simple.

My friends are ignoring me and when they do decide to talk to me, they use me. It isn't fair, I've been nothing but good to these people and this is what I get in return. I want to ask for help, but I know it'll be seen as a cry for attention. I'll only be "faking it," but if they saw the scars I am so careful to hide, they'd think otherwise. If they knew what I thought, they'd be in tears. I am reminded on a daily basis of all the people who genuinely hate me. What they don't know is, no matter how much they hate me, no one can hate me more than I hate myself.

I have absolutely no control over my life. Almost everything gets decided for me and I'm almost an adult. I lost the one thing that I had through all of this because I was too sick to attend. I literally stay up all night long and sleep for about four hours during the day. I sit and do nothing, everyday, every week, every month, and at this point I've reached every year. I can't stand it anymore! I'm going insane with all this idle time.

Not to mention the fact that without something to occupy me, I have this constant fear that something terrible is about to happen.

So, I guess it's true what they say; It's every man for himself. Fuck this shit, I need a change and soon.

( If you're a regular reader, I'm letting you know now that I'm going to disappear for a while. I'll be back, but I need to get my head straight first.)